Ideal Baptist Church - Ideal Ga.
Jokes Page
If you have a Joke (Christian Humor Please) then send it to us and we will get it posted here. ________________________________________ A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without noticing his error, sent the e-mail to the wrong address. Meanwhile...somewhere in Houston... a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a Minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and then fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Date: Friday, October 13, 2006 Subject: I have Arrived! Dearest Love: I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send email to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Sure is hot down here! ________________________________________ As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, with no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there. I was not familiar with the backwoods area and became lost. Being a typical man I did not stop for directions, and finally arrived an Hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew, who were eating lunch, but the hearse was no where in sight. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul. As I preached the workers began to say "Amen," "Praise the Lord," and "Glory"! I preached, and I preached, like I'd never preached before: From Genesis all the way to Revelations. I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car. I was opening the door and taking off my coat when I overheard one of the workers saying to others, "I ain't never seen anything like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty five years." _________________________________________ A young boy and his father were walking along the beach when there before them was a dead seagull. The young boy said, "Dad, what is wrong with him." The father replied, "He has died and gone to heaven." After a few moments of silence the young boy then said, "well did God get tired of him and throw him back down?" __________________________________________ A family sat around the dinner table with a few guests for that evening. The mother turned to the daughter and asked for her to say the blessing for the supper. The daughter looked at her mother and said, "I don't know what to say." The mother replied, "Just say what you have heard me say." The family and guests bowed their heads and the daughter begain, "Lord, God in Heaven. Why did I invite all these people to my house?" __________________________________________ A doctor parked his car in a No Parking zone, with this message on the windsheild: "I have circled this block twenty times. I have an appointment to keep - 'Forgive us our trespasses.'" When he returned, he found this note: "I have circled this block for twenty years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job - 'Lead us not into temptation.' " __________________________________________ A young man asked his father,"Dad can I borrow the car to take my girlfriend out on a date next Saturday evening?" The father replied,"Son if you get the grass cut, do all the rest of your chores and get your hair cut nice and neat I'll let you borrow the car Saturday." Saturday morning came and the young man asked the father if he could borrow the car since he had done all his required chores. The father said, "I thought I told you to get your hair cut?" The Son said, "You did dad but Jesus had long hair so you can't blame me for not wanting to get mine cut." The Father replied," Jesus also walked everywhere he went so you can't blame me for not letting you borrow the car." __________________________________________ Two 90 year old men, Moe and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Moe visits him every day. One day Moe says, "Joe, we both loved baseball all our lives, and we played minor league ball together for so many years. Please do me one favor, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's baseball there." Joe looks up at Moe from his death bed, "Moe, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you." Shortly after that, Joe passes on. At midnight a couple of nights later, Moe is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Moe--Moe." "Who is it?" asks Moe sitting up suddenly. "Moe--it's me, Joe." "You're not Joe. Joe just died." "I'm telling you, it's me, Joe ," insists the voice. "Joe! Where are you?" "In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news." "Tell me the good news first," says Moe. "The good news," Joe says," is that there's baseball in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play baseball all we Want, and we never get tired." "That's fantastic," says Moe. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?" "You're pitching Tuesday." __________________________________________ Lawyers should never have asked a Mississippi Christian grandma a question if they weren't prepared for the answer: In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you are an adulterer, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs which is to say you bare false witness. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he commited adultery with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair." 
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